i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
