He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
