Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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