i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
