I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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