what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
