The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Randomize
