i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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