you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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