Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
