In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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