Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
