Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it hurts more in the daytime
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize