dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
