she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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