I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
