so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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