my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
