walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
