ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
