I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
