She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
