dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
