I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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