Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
