hotel room ftw
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
