3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
