I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
