bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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