who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
