Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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