why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Found the puke drawer
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
