I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
