Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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