Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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