Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
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His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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