Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
