So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
