It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
