Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
