I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
