now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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