why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
