I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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