dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
