Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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