Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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