we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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