Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
