I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
