I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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