Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
