thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
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I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
as a side note pls kill me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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