all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This is the high leading the old right now
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
