I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
