Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
