he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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