It's like God shit irony all over that family
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
