I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
