it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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