OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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