conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
