Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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