I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
