In the future we'll all be gay
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
