Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
