You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
