dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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