We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
