I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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