Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
