Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
