I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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