They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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