Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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