i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
