my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
