He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
