Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
